Girls are more loving & caring but it’s rather very difficult to get them suitably married & settled

I left my client’s office at 8.30 P.M. and was driving back home when a call came on my mobile from an unlisted number. However, I put the mobile phone on speaker mode and started talking. The caller was one Mr. Rajbir Singh from Patiala and he was talking about his son’s marriage proposal with my daughter. He said his son was an IT-Engineer with a MBA degree, working in a multi-national company at Chennai as a Manager and earning around Rs. 75,000 per month. I was not very keen in the said discussion because my daughter wanted to continue with her studies for the time being.

Meanwhile, the caller also gave me the reference of a very dear friend of mine from Chandigarh from whom he got my number. Hearing this, I stopped my car at the road side corner and started talking to him in detail. After long discussion, I ended the conversation by saying that I will revert back to him, after consulting the matter with my family.

Back home, after dinner while going to bed, I told my wife about the marriage proposal received over phone for our daughter. In the beginning, she was much exited but later became emotional and all of a sudden, her eyes were filled with tears. I was wondering if these tears were for happiness or sorrow.

We were very happy the day our daughter was born; she was so beautiful, very fair and looked like an angel who was the blessing of the God Almighty, as if it was only yesterday and today we were talking about her marriage. Time flies so fast, why my Lord, why?

Next day morning, I told my little angel about the marriage proposal we received for her. She patiently listened to me and said at the end, “Papa, I am in no mood to get married now, I have just started my career as a school teacher and have to continue with my studies. Only after getting a PhD. degree, I would get married, I promise” and she closed the topic.

I was taken aback, as it meant I will have to wait for another three to four years for her marriage. Wasn't it too long a period, I wondered. Then I thought, she could continue with her PhD. studies even after marriage, if the boy gave his consent. We could talk to them in the beginning itself and only if they agreed; we would go ahead. Otherwise we would say 'no' to them, there is no big deal. We tried our best to convince our daughter to meet with the prospective groom at least and discuss each and every point in detail before taking any final decision. May be, the boy could accommodate and would allow her to continue with her studies after marriage. After lot of explanation and persuasion, we finally could convince her to meet with the boy’s family.

Meanwhile, we exchanged the bio-data and photographs and it seemed to be alright. So, we decided to visit Patiala and meet with the family of Mr. Rajbir Singh. We found them very civilized, decent, good and down to earth family. On the face of it, everything seemed to be good and perfect, as if, the Almighty had architected a “made for each other" couple.

Somehow, from inside, I was not comfortable the way things were going and I was wondering how everything was so smooth and hurdle free. I started doubting unnecessarily, although, I was not having any valid reason to say no to this proposal.

At the end, they wanted us to bless the boy by giving a token amount as "shagun", but I refused to honour their request by saying, please visit our house first, meet the girl, let both (boy and girl) talk to each other and let them take an appropriate decision, after all it was their lives and they must decide for their future life partner.

I could guess they did not like my suggestion. Mr. Rajbir Singh then gave a counter proposal and said, let both of them talk to each other over phone and seal the proposal. My wife immediately said no to this suggestion also, and again explained to them that over phone you can’t make a final decision. After all it’s a question of entire life of our children and how could you simply talk to someone over phone and take a final call, you are not buying a commodity, it’s the question of someone's entire life, which could be at a stake with one wrong decision; didn't it looked so absurd, stupid and unpractical, I said to them.

We finally convinced them and invited them to visit our house as per their convenience to meet with our family members including my daughter, for which they happily agreed.

Two days after we came back from Patiala, I got a call from Mr. Rajbir Singh that they would be visiting our place on that weekend. And as expected, their entire family came and met with our family. Later I requested my daughter to meet with the boy separately and discuss her concern. Both of them sat in a separate room and talked for about half an hour. My daughter told him about her hobbies, likes, future plans etc., and her intention to work as a teacher/lecturer after completing her studies and also asked him to talk about his views and future plans, freely and openly.

They left our place after lunch and promised to call us back within next few days. After a week or so, I got a SMS from Mr. Rajbir Singh, saying - “Boy not agreed”

I was shocked and stunned, what went wrong, why did they say no. Now my biggest problem was to convey this message to my wife and daughter. Moreover, what reason would I put forward for their refusal? I really didn’t know. I was in a dilemma. First I thought to talk to them over phone and ask the reason but later I decided to drop this idea and forget the whole episode as a bad dream. But how could I forget it so easily. I was angry and frustrated and did not know what to do and was not in a position to calm down either.

I came home and with great difficulty told my wife about the message from Patiala. As expected, my wife became very serious and started crying and within no time my daughter also came to know about it. But she did not utter a single word and went back to her room and closed the door.

At dinner table, we all sat together and we called our angel. She came out and sat with us and was looking very normal but I knew for sure, she must be deeply hurt as was clear from her face. Somehow, I was feeling myself to be the culprit for the whole episode. As in the first place, she was not interested for marriage, but I insisted her to meet with the boy’s family. My guilt became unbearable and I said "sorry" to my daughter. Hearing this, she came rushing to me, grabbed me and said: “Papa you don’t have to say sorry, it’s not your fault” and she could not control her tears which were eagerly waiting to flood her face. We both cried and at that very crucial moment, as usual, my wife, as a truly matured woman and mother, very nicely took the whole-situation in her own hands and said: “No more discussions on this topic please, I have prepared a special dish, so let’s enjoy our dinner tonight.”

Later on, I came to know from our Chandigarh friend that the boy was in love with another girl, but his parents wanted him to marry a girl of their choice. After returning from our place, the boy told his parents that: “If you don’t accept my proposal I will not accept yours”. What I fail to understand in the whole episode is that, what was the fault of our daughter? And who had given them a right to intrude into our lives just like that and disturb the family's atmosphere just because we are the parents of a daughter. Could any one ask them?

Only today, I realize why my mother used to get upset whenever a baby girl was born in our family or friends or relations; because she always used to say: “Girls are more loving and caring but it’s rather very difficult to get them suitably married and settled in today’s cruel world.”

With Prayers

Gurcharan