Please forgive me for the last time

We all are truly blessed by the God Almighty because today at last the great festival of colours called “HOLI” has come and we are going to enjoy, play, participate, see and witness this grand Holi festival along with all our family members, friends and relatives.

But I am going to miss the blessings of my Father who has left me alone in this world, long time back. On every Holi he used to wake me up in the morning so that I can get ready and go to my friends place and play Holi with them in different colours and enjoy the festival thoroughly.

I am also going to miss my older daughter who has got married two years back and settled down with her husband at a far of place. I know she is not with us to enjoy it today but I am sure she must be enjoying the Holi festival with her new family. May God bless her?

I am also going to miss some very close and dear friends who have left me alone one after another in this cruel world and today I am all alone without a single friend of mine because of my attitude, arrogance, anger, ego, high-headedness and proud behavior which must have hurt them really deep, very deep, I am sure of that.

I have also realized one more thing that now the time has come in my life to grow up and behave like a matured man and a perfect gentleman. I must not forget the basic courtesy, etiquettes and decency while talking with my family members, relatives and friends, no matter how close he or she is to me; I have no right what-so-ever to cross the limit of decency at any cost and in any given situation.

Therefore, I must not forget my border-line and I should behave adequately with them; keeping both my eyes and ears open and I should never ever cross my limits (A boarder-line of decency finalized by my family in particular and society at large).

I should always bear my rule book in my heart and check every time before speaking or writing in responses and at the same time keep watchman’s sharp eyes and vigil on myself so that whenever I am going to cross my limits, I should be warned by my inner-voice and should behave properly with them.

Today I want to thank very dear friend of mine for not only showing my actual face in the mirror but also informed me in writing about my draw backs, faults and wrong doing, even at this age. At-least, she has been very kind and modest to spell out my weaknesses, draw-backs and short-comings in a very soft, decent and polished manner. She is the third most important person in my life (after my Mother and Wife) who has truly acted like my true friend, well wisher and come up with those facts which were inherent in me but nobody ever told me in black and white, so upfront and without any hitch or hesitation. I am really-really very grateful to her. May God bless her too?

I am indeed indebted to her for this kind gesture, which will definitely help and assist me in becoming a better person in all respects in rest of my life. I am crystal clear in my mind today about the negative characteristics of mine, because the same negative attitude will have indirect impact on my mind, body and soul and I may simultaneously react beforehand again, as I have done it in the past too.

Therefore, I will not allow the negative forces to influence and malign my mind and heart again and I will not presume things but read only what I am supposed to read, not a word more and nor less, just on the dotted lines, precise and to the point, which I am supposed to read.

At the same time, I don’t want to mistake it wrongly or come up with my own conclusions, meanings, outcomes, and end-results, unnecessarily. I wanted to be fair, very fair in understanding the whole situation the way it should be, which has gone out of proportion, out of control and now became larger than life issue in front of me today. Instead of drawing my own biased conclusions, if require, I will not hesitate to ask them for clarifications, without any hitch or hesitation.

I don’t have many good friends in my life and I am so lonely and alone in this entire world. This crisis is self created, it’s due to my high-headedness, rude behavior and negative attitude which might have broken many hearts in the past and I have never ever realized it till date. Now I can clearly see through and visualize what could have happened to them that they left me all alone in this universe.

Today, with the help and assistance of an Angel, I have realized about my wrong doings, my sins and my mistakes, what all I had done to them in general and to my very dear friend in particular, she was so beautiful, caring, charming, decent, good, humble, kind, loving woman with lots of self respect. She suffered a lot but never uttered a single word and silently left me alone in this big, bad and ugly world.

No, I am not joking, I know the damage has been done and it can’t be cured, repaired or rectified. If I have committed a blunder, mistake and sin; its better, I must accept my mistake also with the same dignity, decency and honour of a perfect gentleman.

I also know for sure, simply by saying sorry will not heal their wounds which have been given to them by me. Therefore, I have decided to ask for forgiveness in your court. Now it’s up to you to pronounce the verdict, guilty or not guilty, which I will accept with dignity, gratitude, humbleness and respect.

Therefore, I would like to request all of you with both my folded hands to please pardon me my mistakes and accept my sincere apology if knowingly or unknowingly I have hurt your feelings, trust me, my intention was not to take someone else’s place, position or space in your respective lives.

As it is, I am suffering from someone’s curse since long, a very long time (more than 35 years have passed since I was loaded with the said cross on my shoulders and still carrying it). It’s my bad-luck that I have not been absolved of that curse till date and I just can’t afford to have another person’s anger, hatred, and curse for the rest of my life.

I know for sure you all are too good, very decent, gentle, honest, nice and sensible human beings; who loves their families very much. Some of you must be dedicated couples, devoted parents and loving brother/sisters. I have very high regards for all of you and your family members.

At the end, I wish all of you a very Happy Holi and once again tender my sincere apologies for all my past mistakes, high headedness, stupidities, rude behaviors and wrong-doings. I pray to you and to the God Almighty to please forgive me for the last time on this great festival of colours Holi and scatter these beautiful colours in my life once again, Amen!

With prayers

Gurcharan