Today being a holiday, whole day I have spent at home, just thinking about my life, it may sound very possessive about myself, but its true. I was thinking of my past life of 50 years; you can call it "lekha-jokha" of my Life's deeds good and bad and I was shocked to see the result. To be honest, it was more of negatives rather then positives. I feel so ashamed and guilty of what all I have done. I have never been a good son to my parents, never a good brother, good husband, good father & good friend. I have never given my 100% to them, I have always been a miser (kanjus) in relationship. But when I look back, I can not rewind my life again, I cant go back a live those moments again with them and yes few people have already left this world; so how will I go back to them and say I Love You So Much. I know it's too late but let me confess keeping you all (readers) as my judge.
To begin with, it is my father who left us on 5th of May 2002. Bapuji "I love you so much and I miss you a lot". I have not done any thing for you when you were with us, that time I was young and arrogant and I was having no time for you, -"I am sorry Bappu ji, please pardon me, mujhe maaf karen".
Second most important person is my wife who has given me the best years of her life which were full of love, affection, care, concern and always doing little extra to make my life more comfortable happy and peaceful. But I have not done even 10% of what she has done to me. But still I want to say her, -"I love you very much".
Third most important persons are my three beautiful daughters, who are the proof of my existence. Elder-one and the most lovable daughter of mine has just got married in February this year and I miss her a lot. -"I love you so much and you will always remain the third most important lady of my life" (after my mother & wife) . And I will always love her very much. -"Please pardon me Beta for not being a good father to you".
My second and third daughters are also a great gift of God and it's the real possession of my life they are my real "Kuber Ka Khajana" and I don't want to loose them because they are the real wealth of my life. Oh my lord, give me enough strength, wealth & good health so that I can do my best to make their life more comfortable, safe, happy, healthy, peaceful of lovable and also get them what-ever they want in their life. -"I love you both very much and I want to wish you both all the very best in your life and all your dreams may come true Beta, Amen!"
Now comes the turn of my few very good friends who are the real jewel of my life and they are like Lord Krishna for me but I never became a real Sudama to them. I think I am more poorer then Sudama and I am sure they will excuse me for my one-track mind & selfish motives. I pray to God for their Happy, Healthy, Wealthy life and they will get what-ever they want in their life. And I want to say them- " I love you all and I will always there for you, ever, trust me".
I am feeling relaxed now, may be all of them will understand me and pardon me this time. And I promise, I will try to be a better Son, Husband, Father & Friend, I promise. At the end, I request all of you to please pray for me so that I can become a better person and a good human being so that I can love them all hundred percent.
With Prayers, apka,
Sudama-gurcharan.
